Wow–it has been a long time since I wrote an entry in my blog. That does not mean my grieving has ended. Not in the least. I am well into my second year of being a widow but the tears still flow freely. It is different during the second year. All those difficult firsts are over and behind me. During the second year, however, the total permanence sets in hard. The first year is all new experiencing the first holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries without Jerry. This year, it hits hard that this is the way it is going to be throughout the rest of my life.
Here is a page from a grieving book I have titled In Loving Memory:
Why did this happen to me? we ask.
It happened partly because we were fortunate enough to have loved someone.
Without love there would be no grief. ~ June Cerza Kolf
Grieving has not been fun and does not end. However, it does help to be reminded that I grieve Jerry’s loss because I loved Jerry. Without love, there would be no reason to still be grieving almost 21 months after his death. I am so fortunate to have shared love with this great man of God. The love is worth the grief!
Isaiah 8:10 – “Devise your strategy, but it will be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand, for God is with us.” Grief can be used by Satan to keep me down. He could use it to make me depressed and unable to keep living. Grief can cause widows to withdraw from life. However, I would rather focus on the fact that God is with me! He never left me–ever! Not even once during my 21 months have I felt alone. He was always there and always will be.
I have enjoyed my walking in my neighborhood so much this summer enjoying the morning sunrise. Here is a picture of one such beautiful mornings.
Today I am thankful for:
- Bible Study Fellowship starting today for the fall.
- Going with the twins I have helped with since April 2018 to their second haircut–they are do adorable.
- My sweet boyfriend who helps me walk through the journey of grief.
- Gorgeous sunrises with amazing colors.
- The beauty in my garden.
- The serenity in my garden.
- Our OU international students this year. I have one from the Republic of Moldovia, France, Netherlands, and Iran.
- Tuesdays with David continuing.
- A new friend at church–Gail.
- The love I had to cause me to grieve.
- God never leaving me–EVER!