Grieving in Year 3

Wow, it has been a long time since I wrote. The holidays were both busy and a time of remembering. Just because I haven’t written a blog entry in some time, don’t think my grieving is finished and behind me. Not in the least!

Grieving is a journey–a long journey. It is one you need reach the end of but just have stops along the way of remembering, crying, and being thankful for the life you had together. The being thankful for me is the greatest blessing in my grieving. I was married for 50 years. We shared a love and a commitment to each other that is foreign to so many couples in today’s temporary world. It is sad to be so different because we had a happy marriage of so many years. Yes, we had many differences but the commitment was there to always work on the marriage.

My boyfriend had told me year 2 was harder for him than year 1 and that was so true for me. The permanency of my life as a widow is so real to me now. I will never celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with Jerry again. He will always be remembered at these times but his presence is gone. As sad as that is, I am thankful for his new life in heaven with such joy and freedom from pain. Sitting at the feet of Jesus daily must be such a marvelous experience–beyond our imagination.

Thanksgiving was a time of sharing my home with many of our international students. We had students from Iran, Viet Nam, Taiwan, Ghana, Turkey, the Netherlands, France, and Germany. Here is a picture of our group.

Activities like this keep me busy and not missing Jerry as much. He would have loved having all these people in our homes so very much. Reaching out to others helps keep yourself in better emotional shape.

Psalm 62:8“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” God has proven himself trustworthy at all times, during the stroke and now as a widow. He has never left me alone and never will. He has been and continues to be my refuge. Praise God for His presence in my life on a daily basis.

Today I am thankful for:

  1. Getting to drive to Tulsa to hear my grandson, David, sing with Norman Children’s Chorus.
  2. Having an early birthday dinner with Lynn in Tulsa before she flies out to Atlanta tomorrow for a conference.
  3. Hiking tomorrow at Little Niagara with my boyfriend and good friend, Kelly Ann.
  4. Dinner plans tomorrow night for my birthday at a very fancy restaurant with my boyfriend.
  5. The international students who are such a lovely part of my life here.
  6. My warm house on cold days.
  7. Plans for my trip to Ecuador and Vienna this year.
  8. Friends here to do things with and enjoy.
  9. A wonderful church home.
  10. Having a faithful and trustworthy God who is always there for me.

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Lois Cox, Ph.D., has roots in Dallas, Texas, but met her husband, Jerry, at Oklahoma Christian College, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma in 1966. They married in 1967 and started a life together of serving God in several locations. Seven of their years were in full-time ministry in churches in Midwest City, Oklahoma, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and Ft. Collins, Colorado. Most of Lois’s career has been spent in education at the high school, technical college, and university levels. Lois holds four degrees in education including a Ph.D. completed in her late sixties in instructional technology and online learning. On February 24, 2016, Lois was plummeted into the role of caregiver for her husband who suffered a rare and serious bilateral thalamic stroke. The next 22 months were spent in full-time care of Jerry in skilled nursing, hospitals, and at home. Jerry passed away December 30, 2017. Since that time Lois has been focusing on sharing her experiences with others to encourage and teach them to depend on the Lord during similar stressful times. Her book, 22 Months with Jerry, will be available soon.

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